MOMMY NOT SO DEAREST

FROM ELLEN: It's old news that fathers get trashed with impunity in contemporary American culture. But what about the moms? On the eve of yet another Hallmark-inspired holiday, that annual observance of mothers as the most cherished people in our lives, it's worth looking at some of the books out there that say motherhood looks more like rotten apples than apple pie.

Exhibit A: Ruth Reichl's latest memoir, "Not Becoming My Mother: And Other Things She Taught Me Along the Way." To be fair to Reichl, in this book she treats her mother more sympathetically than in the previous two, in which Mother Miriam is cast as an unbalanced stage mother who put down her daughter's work as a food critic as barely the work of a real writer. Here, Reichl understands that her mom was an Auntie Mame figure born in an era of Betty Crocker, and how the fit figuratively and literally threw her off balance. All the same, the book is based on the idea that traditional homemaking is a pretty limited sport. I happen to agree, and so did my mother, who traded her career in apparel merchandising for the chance to raise four children. After my first son was born, I told her what a struggle it would be for me to return to work. "You have to," she said. "All I had was duplicate bridge."

Exhibit B: Ayelet Waldman's "Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace." This is a book about guilt. If you believe Waldman, young mothers (the kind who still have kids underfoot) are so suffused with it that they're obsessed with the absolute worst mothers, like Andrea Yates (who drowned all her kids) and Britney Spears (who can't get a grip). Today's mother, in her view, wants the perfect children and the perfect marriage. But no can do, she says. I relate to Waldman's high-strung,  driven self and, to be sure, you can't read these essays without realizing how much she loves her family. But I wager that a lot of women find more fulfillment in the marriage/children/homemaking triumvirate than her neurotic view of the subject suggests.

One thing I know for sure: Motherhood is not for sissies. And maybe that's what we should honor this Sunday, on the Hallmark holiday that is upon us -- the courage it takes to give it a go. Perfection, who needs it?  

Comments

[Kathy]

The best Mother's Day book I have read is "Good NIght & God Bless"!
If you check it out, I am sure you will agree
www.GoodNightAndGodBlessTheBook.com
Happy Mothers Day!